I recently saw a close friend whom I hadn’t seen in a while at my high school reunion. She was radiant and obviously extremely happy, which she always seemed to be in high school...but something was different. When we got to talking, she GLEEFULLY explained:
“Carrie, my relationship with God is better than EVER. I went through a period of doubt, but He offers me such friendship and comfort that it makes my life content and happy. It's really the most awesome thing ever. He's my best friend.”
She couldn't stop beaming as she explained that she joined a Bible study group and that she now prays both in the morning and in the evening, both when she’s happy or sad. She told me that she views God as a best friend, a total constant in her life, and that she's never been happier or more content with herself.
I was overjoyed to know how well she’s doing and how she has such an incredible relationship with God. But to be honest, I felt a pang of envy. I know that’s not a good thing...but it was envy, nonetheless. Her unquestionable security, sense of serenity, and overall excitement surrounding her faith is exactly the kind of relationship that I once had with God but feel like I've lost.
I grew up in a relatively sheltered community and home environment - never questioning my faith or the presence of God all around me. Most after-school activities revolved around my church community, and at that point I interpreted the Bible quite literally, down to the 7-day Creation and Noah's arc in Genesis. As I grew, I was spiritually comforted and always had God to turn to in times of need. I'll never forget the day I lost my basketball gym shorts in 7th grade, knelt down to God and prayed...and found them one minute later. My faith was proven (regardless of the fact that I found them in my shorts drawer).
Then, in 10th grade, I took a class called Biblical Theology and for the first time the beliefs which I never had any reason to question were brought directly under a very real and quite harsh microscope. Once in class, I was giving an opinion about a story from Genesis, and a classmate said, "Carrie, do you actually believe all this stuff like it's fact? You're so gullible. These stories never actually happened." After that embarrassing episode, both my faith and my ability to articulate my beliefs aloud were severely changed. In 8th grade, I was able to proclaim my beliefs in God in front of all the elders in my church, but following this Bib Theo class, I couldn't even get my thoughts straight about what I believed - let alone articulate them.
I never lost faith in God. He's always been there for me and I've always had a relationship with him. But I seek that friendship that my high school friend has so luckily found. I know it's not a competition, so there's no room for jealous - it's about the quest for inner-contentment and friendship with our Maker. Maybe I'll try to take my friend's advice and pray more often, or go to Bible study more. But I have a feeling my path to this contentment may be different than hers was. I need to rediscover my beliefs in my own way.
But for now, I’m just so happy to know that my friend has found it and that it’s out there for me to find as well. Because faith will bring you to heaven, but a lot of faith will bring heaven to you.
